rosegoldmistress | Recent Entries

Literally, I'm obsessed with her album, her perfume (which I really want to buy, but it's 50 dollars), her whole entire being, I love her. In other July updates, my birthday was great. Me and my buddies got a nice hotel and did some swimming, whirlpooling, eating cookie cake, drinking, and dancing. There were some sloppy parts but, no regrets I suppose. I woke up with an actual hangover which hasn't happened to me in YEARS and only a nasty greasy Hardee's monster thickburger could cure it.

All in all, being 24 feels like 23, and I still have a little bit of birthday money left to blow. This year it rained on the 4th of July, but I didn't have much plans aside from eating burgers and hotdogs. My bff came over and we had tween girl movie afternoon and watched Barbie Spy Squad and the now ten year old movie Aquamarine. It was a great time.

The real important thing is that I finally got Overwatch and have been obsessing over it a little bit. It's so much fun, I'm way better at it than other shooter games. Mainly because I don't do much shooting, I play as Mercy as a healer. I love playing as support/healers in games! This is just basically, a shitty little update since the last time I posted a week before my birthday. Another thing is that my exes are coming wild out of the jungle the past week or so and I'm not about it. And why is it whenever you subtweet they wanna get all pissy, but when they are liars, cheaters, unreliable and shitty relationship partners, it's all fine? Tell me that...

Current Mood: tired

June is my birthday month, I'm not sure how I feel about turning 24, but at least all my friends are older than me- which is what I like. Because that means someone is always older than I am. I have tentative plans to go to the lake and spend my actual birthday date with my mother as I usually do. It's been stifling hot, though, so I hope that the lake works out, but we may need to improvise. Then the weekend after my birthday (which would be the 25th) I'm going to spend the day with my friends, I have no clue what we are going to do, but it will be exciting!

Aside from that, my heart still aches over the shooting in Orlando. Words are being tossed around on what sort of crime this was, and I don't know how much I want to get into that and say how I feel other than I'm completely crushed. I have shed tears more than once over reading the names and seeing the photos- putting faces and names together of the victims is heartbreaking. This could have easily happened anywhere, I have been to gay clubs not far from where I live and to think that this could happen to me or any of my friends or family even, is terrifying. I don't know what else to say about it other than I'm still in shock.

Lastly, I had a combination of dreams last night about past lovers (what a shock) and I woke up longing for any of them. It occurred to me through all my relationships who I truly loved and who I was with for sport, basically. One of which was never really a lover, but I would say I had intense feelings for them that still haven't lingered after two years now. Of course there are the two main ones, which I still have feelings for both- one I would say I still love, the other I would say that I love them but I know that they aren't in my best interests to involve myself with for the way they treat me. Honestly, that could be said for any of them, but who can win anymore these days when it comes to a relationship?

It's another stormy Wednesday, my favorite kind of weather. I've gotten a lot done. Painted my nails and toenails, vacuumed, washed my bed comforter, tidied up my bathroom and room in general a bit, washed some clothes. . . Productive! One of my best friends (that I also work with) is gone on vacation this entire week and it has just been busy, lonely, and sad without her. Another two full days by myself at work before she returns to me. Work will be exhausting the next two days, I can already tell. This was just a general feelings and update post!

Current Mood: melancholy

I'm home alone today and there's some rain passing through with mild thunder rumblings, and it brought up a memory of about this same time of year when I was a child. I had a friend over with me at my grandparent's house and it was a bit of a stormy day. When I was younger, I remember playing outside quite a bit in addition to video gaming- I had a great balance going. I had a love/hate relationships with storms (now I mostly love them, save for tornadoes) and on this day we wanted to be out in the rain.

For whatever reason, we saw this as being very rebellious. My grandparents didn't know we had gone outside, we went into the backyard and created a fort so to speak, out of my big red plastic snow sled and a sheet, the clothesline being our base of building. We put the sheet up and then the red plastic shed over our heads on top of the sheet and created our rainy day fort. It thundered and the wind blew and it rained pretty decently and we thought this was the greatest thing ever, and that we had so much freedom being out there in the middle of the storm with no supervision. Why? I don't know. And I don't know why I was struck with this memory today, either. I guess just time permanence in my brain. I've always had this special tie to nature in my mind, forests/rainy days in particular. I've always wondered what this stems from. My whole life I have had a very small obsession with fairies and the idea that they exist (yes I am 23) and maybe that is a part of it? Anyway, thanks for the rainy Wednesday, world.

Current Mood: calm

There's nothing like angrily revising your resume with a clay spa stress mask on and getting ready to devour a foot long leftover pizza sub from Subway.

Current Mood: stressed

It's been several years since I have watched the movie adaptation of Fried Green Tomatoes, but I read the book last summer (and now I want to read it again.) For some reason, summer makes me so nostalgic for past love and romance. I am in the belief that Fried Green Tomatoes is pretty obviously a lesbian movie. A lot of my romances with women took place in the summer, and it's been years since I've had one now. But they were all that sort of drama filled and adventurous, I miss it sometimes. I think back to past best friend that I was involved with, as well as serious relationships. I even think now to both men and women I've been involved with and get that creeping feeling of loneliness again, craving romance. I don't actively look for romance, because I've always been told you shouldn't look- you should wait. I've said this before, I'm tired of waiting.

Even now, there are friends that I could see a romance with, not that it would ever happen or I would bring it up. It's almost just fun to pretend that maybe something is going on between you and a friend, and neither one of you ever truly bring it up. It's just something I think about, and something that has happened in the past with me before.

This movie really makes you think, about a lot of things, losing a best friend, losing a lover, the strong bond of best friends (or more) and it's just left me feeling a little nostalgic and empty. . . It's already been in the mid 80s and storming here at the end of April, and as soon as I'm in shorts again and feeling wind on my skin, I start getting that itch to walk through fields at night and have sex where you want because you feel it, not because it's expected of you. I don't know. What a night.

Current Mood: nostalgic

This is one the best playlists I have created in a long time, and a lot of the songs were found from this YouTube channel I'm obsessed with at the moment of these twins who own a horse. Don't ask me to explain further, okay?

1. Horses - Porsches
2. Pacify Her - Melanie Martinez
3. Dangerous Woman - Ariana Grande (I used to hate her, not sure if I actually like her yet tho)
4. Lean On (feat. MO) - Major Lazer & DJ Snake
5. Lottery - Kali Uchis
6. Carolina - Kimbra
7. Gold _ Kiiara
8. First Rain - Kontinuum

I might add more later, but there ya go. Also the title of the post is obvi the emojis I used to title the playlist.

Current Mood: content

I'm just making a short rant about shipping wars and hatefulness in the tags on Tumblr. The Tumblr.com is a great place to look at things you like, but it's also a breeding ground for arguments and holier than thou text posts. If you want to ship two characters together, just fucking do it, as long as it isn't pedophilia, I don't see an issue. I just so happen to ship Kylo Ren and Rey, and the hate for that is just overwhelming. I get in the tag and see "go fuck yourselves, you're going to hell, you're promoting rape culture" and I just get tired real fast. Like, chill. I know half of y'all have Elsa and Anna sister/cousin/whatever the hell they are hentai porn across the board, don't talk to me!

It is as if you guys probably don't also ship problematic things, but it's not okay when someone else does it. Do you even watch Game of Thrones? And I bet you shipped Wincest from Supernatural once, so get the fuck out of my face. Just let me enjoy my ridiculousness in peace, please. Plenty of you have violent as hell gay ass ships with not even gay ass characters (so do I) and that is perfectly fine, but this isn't? I don't care if they even end up as siblings, I will go down with my garbage. It is all fiction and if you can't tell the difference between the entertainment values of fiction and real life, then get a job. If you don't like it, don't look. Blacklisting tags are available to you, just like I don't have to go into the anti-reylo tag, which exists, by the way.

Current Mood: frustrated

The not-so surprise is that I have bronchitis, not food poisoning. I made it to work this week, but I took off from my second job today so that I could rest up while taking both of my new medicines and tomorrow is technically the start of the weekend- since it's Easter weekend. I don't normally celebrate anything in particular, I usually spend the holidays alone, but maybe I'll get some time in with friends this weekend in the mean time.

So while I'm on my sickbed, I woke up pretty early still at 9:00 and ended up watching Becoming Jane, because my friend has been hounding me to see it (mainly to look at James McAvoy's face) but it was also just a really great movie- which brings me to my current mood. I'm really emotionally sensitive and movies/books/music really change me and imprint upon my mood. Already knowing a bit of Jane Austen's life, I knew what to expect as far as an ending, but it still depressed me. I guess because I'm a romantic at heart and would say I've suffered through some losses in my own time of relationships. Another thing it makes me think about, is I'm tired of hook-up culture. I go through phases, where I want to drape myself across fancy furniture in long vintage night gowns with a cigarette (not with this bronchitis) and a drink and be that lady-of-the-night I've always been- but why can't I be both? Why can't I have romance and sex? Romance is something I've had a spot or two of, and ultimately miss. I've been single for a long time now for multiple reasons which is a whole other blog full of posts- it could really have it's own blog, no joke- and I've been wanting a relationship for probably two years now. All my efforts have only resulted in the same old bullshit, and I've kind of come to realize maybe I've had my moment and that is it.

I'd like to not think that, but it's sort of hard when you live in a small town and everyone and their brother is already married with a baby or three. I don't want children, I'm difficult, and know what I want. This is usually the equation for someone who never finds someone. I don't think marriage is required to live a full life, life is what you make it. I don't even know if I want to be married, I just want someone. I guess I should stop my whining before I make this even longer. Basically, don't watch Becoming Jane while feeling lonely on your sickbed.

Current Mood: cynical

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rosegoldmistress

July 2016

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Page Summary

All I Think About Lately is Ariana Grande
My Birthday Next Week; Orlando; Dreams About Lovers
Childhood Memories: Summer Storms
Stressed Out Sunday
Fried Green Tomatoes aka Crying at 8pm on a Wednesday
Unicorn Emoji; Heart Sparkle Emoji; Nail Polish Emoji
Star Wars Garbage, Party of One
Film: Becoming Jane