My Birthday Next Week; Orlando; Dreams About Lovers

[rosegoldmistress]

 June is my birthday month, I'm not sure how I feel about turning 24, but at least all my friends are older than me- which is what I like. Because that means someone is always older than I am. I have tentative plans to go to the lake and spend my actual birthday date with my mother as I usually do. It's been stifling hot, though, so I hope that the lake works out, but we may need to improvise. Then the weekend after my birthday (which would be the 25th) I'm going to spend the day with my friends, I have no clue what we are going to do, but it will be exciting!

Aside from that, my heart still aches over the shooting in Orlando. Words are being tossed around on what sort of crime this was, and I don't know how much I want to get into that and say how I feel other than I'm completely crushed. I have shed tears more than once over reading the names and seeing the photos- putting faces and names together of the victims is heartbreaking. This could have easily happened anywhere, I have been to gay clubs not far from where I live and to think that this could happen to me or any of my friends or family even, is terrifying. I don't know what else to say about it other than I'm still in shock. 

Lastly, I had a combination of dreams last night about past lovers (what a shock) and I woke up longing for any of them. It occurred to me through all my relationships who I truly loved and who I was with for sport, basically. One of which was never really a lover, but I would say I had intense feelings for them that still haven't lingered after two years now. Of course there are the two main ones, which I still have feelings for both- one I would say I still love, the other I would say that I love them but I know that they aren't in my best interests to involve myself with for the way they treat me. Honestly, that could be said for any of them, but who can win anymore these days when it comes to a relationship?

It's another stormy Wednesday, my favorite kind of weather. I've gotten a lot done. Painted my nails and toenails, vacuumed, washed my bed comforter, tidied up my bathroom and room in general a bit, washed some clothes. . . Productive! One of my best friends (that I also work with) is gone on vacation this entire week and it has just been busy, lonely, and sad without her. Another two full days by myself at work before she returns to me. Work will be exhausting the next two days, I can already tell. This was just a general feelings and update post!