rosegoldmistress

I believe I've had a mild case of food poisoning in the last twenty-four hours from the Chinese restaurant in town that we went to for my grandmother's birthday. I didn't feel great about two hours after eating it and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the food was lukewarm at best and the trays were near empty as if it had been there since before the lunch to dinner transition? I could be wrong, but I was the only one out of the three of us to eat certain types of chicken. . .

I went into work anyway, but as soon as I got there I was feeling extremely nauseous and as if I would throw up, and I almost felt like I had sinus drainage. I still do, it's really uncomfortable at the back of my mouth and really getting on my nerves and makes it hard to talk over. This is all really disconcerting for me because I was just sick about two months ago and I don't want to miss anymore work. Which brings me to my anxiety about missing work. I ended up working two hours and going home, I felt really guilty and bad about it especially since I was leaving my friend alone to work and I felt horrible about it since I always tease her about leaving early (but that's because she always has to work some hours on the weekend) but I ended up leaving and my boss seemed understanding, but I already feel just bad about it. I don't want to appear as "that person" and I always worry my actions will perceive me as a bad employee and prevent me from getting full time one day if I ever get to that (but that is an entirely different complaint for a different post) and so I had granddaddy come pick me up, but that got turned into an embarrassing endeavor. I was waiting for him and saw him pull up so I went out and by the time I got out there he was gone, so I sat in the Jeep for ten minutes because it was easier for him to realize that I was outside rather than go in and look for him and we are all confused. Anyway, apparently my friend was looking for me because he was looking for me and he always gets so impatient and it is unnerving and I was already having a shit morning and I didn't need his impatience to cause another certain rift at work.

All of these things are probably really mild concerns, but I hate people thinking of me as anything less than perfect. I know that isn't ideal, but I have come to realize even in the past six months or so that I am a perfectionist. I did not used to be this way, or maybe I always have been and now it is to an all new extreme? Because I have also noticed I have very alarming symptoms of OCD and not even typical stereotyped OCD with hand washing or germs, but impulsive thoughts and repetitive motions. It comes in waves, but I never really get my mental health checked out, so...

To top it all off I also set my curling wand down too close to my PS4 headset which I didn't realize was there and MELTED my headset in two places and didn't realize it and WENT TO CURL MY HAIR and got dried, hard plastic into my hair which I had to cut several strands off because I couldn't get it removed. Today was a trying day and I have anxiety worrying about what other people think about me at work, I need reassurance that everything is cool and going to be fine, but anyone else with extreme anxiety knows what I mean. Bumps in the road happen, but it takes a lot for me to get past what others might be thinking about me, or saying about me, I don't know why. That's another reason why I created this blog, I thought maybe just getting all these ridiculous thoughts down into a post would help me with it. We shall see.